


The one who mattered the most

by Sherelle



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 06:48:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2015145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherelle/pseuds/Sherelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moriarty made a big mistake. The woman who, he thought, didn't matter, mattered the most. Sherlock hid his feelings for the gorgeous Molly Hooper, for her and his safety. <br/>Sherlock returns from his 'death' and Moriarty isn't a problem anymore, will Sherlock finally admit his love to Molly Hooper?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I made my way trough the St. Bartholomew's Hospital, where I _always_ could find Molly. I wonder where she spends her days off. Does she likes to go to the park? Or does she stay in to clean her house? I knew I always was disrespectful to her, but it was the only way to control my feelings for her. She always saw right through me, when I showed the real me around her. It was around lunch time, but she never lunched when she was supposed to. Work before her own sake, the rule where she lived by. She loves her work, just like me. Maybe that makes me admire her so much. She's clever and funny. A bit awkward, just like me. A sociopath sometimes. We were alike. I found her in the morgue I recognized her instantaneously; her small figure, high ponytail and white lab coat. In front of her lied a black, tall and naked man. His skin was clean, no trace of blood or injuries. Molly observed the man precisely. Every spot had to be noticed. I always liked to watch her do her job. She goes in a trance, like a dog picking up a scent. She could stay like that for hours. 'Heart attack don't you think?' I said. Her body froze, she didn't turn around. She just stood there. I almost could hear her think. She knew I'd come back, but she didn't knew when. Probably she had given up waiting for me to show up. 2 years. It took me 2 years to come back. Mycroft thought it was all about John, a mistake everybody makes. It isn't about John. It never has been. It was always, always about Molly. 'Yes' she said. She turned around, blushing. All her blood floated to her head, it made me grin. I didn't know how to greet her; Should I hug her? Shake her hand? Kiss on the cheek? At those moments I really wished John was here, to tell me what to do, to tell me the right thing to do. Luckily she took lead and hugged me. My arms were spread out, I saw John hug Mary the other day. I saw Mycroft hug Lestrade a lot, so I copied their actions. I folded my left arm around her waist and with my right hand I, gently, stroked through her hair. I messed up her ponytail, but she didn't seem to care. I smelled her parfume, which I gave her before my death. John told me woman like those kind of gifts. It seemed fitting. Molly started laughing when I gave it to her. It was meant to be a 'goodbye-remember me kind' of gift but when I gave it to her, I was ashamed. So I made up that it was a 'thank you for your help with faking my death' present. It smelled nice on her. A mixture of mint and cinnamon, her favorite. She was done hugging and took a step back. I saw her tomato red face. 'How took John it?' she mumbled. I smiled. 'Not so good, he got mad and aggressive.'  She nodded. 'I'd be too, still I think you had to tell him. Like you told me'. My eyebrow raised. I thought she agreed with John keeping out of this. I didn't want him to know, he could bring me, himself or Molly in danger. It took me 2 years to discover Moriarty's whole network of people. There were a lot of people. A lot of secrets. A lot of danger. Mycroft calls it a wonder that I made it out alive. Mycroft, while I got beaten up in a underground bunker, fooled he round with Lestrade; what was a great risk. He could absolutely not know of my existence. 'Glad you're back' Molly said, when she was certain that I wouldn't respond. I nodded. 'Missed you- err- London a lot. Good to be back'. I never thought a human could turn more red than a tomato, but Molly could. She pressed her lips together. I observed her. She was wearing her lipstick, good, it suits her. She looked tired, probably working a lot. She had a ring on her right hand. I frowned. Was she married? She noticed I was looking at it. She covered it with her hand. 'Tim, you know, from upstairs. Bought me this. It's not...-it's not a wedding ring'. I smiled. 'I almost was going to congratulate you'. She looked awkwardly at her shoes. It was quiet for a while. Molly was holding her notebook to her chest. Her arms were locked around it. 'Well, London is calling. Murders has to be solved.' I paused. 'It was a pleasure to see you again, if you want you can come over for dinner tonight. John's probably not coming.' Her eyes winded. 'Yes lovely!- errr I mean, if I've time I'll come. I've a busy schedule you know. Uhh yes I'll have time. Maybe. Eight 'o clock okay?' she stammered. I nodded and blushed. I quickly kissed her cheek. She pressed her lips harder together. 'See you at eight then, Molly Hooper'. She nodded as hard as she can. Her ponytail danced side to side. I turned around, pushed the doors, paused. 'The address is 221B Baker Street', I turned to her and winked. I heard her drop her notebook, while I was making my way to the exit. I smiled. A date then. Only 2 days back, and already a date. John'd be proud. 


	2. Chapter 2

Night fell in London. It was around 7 o'clock. In the mean time Sherlock solved 2 cases; The Woman with the black coat and The Slender. 

Both interesting cases, but no difficulty for the great Sherlock Holmes. A nervous Sherlock was rare, but while he was waiting for Molly in his suit, the nerves kicked in. He really liked Molly, he knows everything about anything but when it came to love he knew nothing. Blanc. Empty. Nothing in his mind place could tell him what Molly would appreciate. Maybe she didn't made a big deal out of it, just dinner, but Sherlock did. He convinced Mrs. Hudson to light a candle and make a special meal. For this once, he'd eat properly. He'd try his very best to win Molly for him. He'd try to be romantic, like he had seen by John and Mary. Compliments, no deductions. Only good things. Smile. Wink. Smooth talking. He feared that a 'date' with Molly would be the hardest thing to complete well.  

'Mrs. Hudson!', no answer. 'Mrs. HUDSON!'. Her door opened and she hurried upstairs. 'What is it...'. Silence. Her eyes enlarged.  'Oh Sherlock, you look gorgeous!' she cried when she covered her mouth. I sniffed. A suit, how pathetic of me. She reached for my hair, she licked her finger like a mother would do and corrected my curls. 'Thank you' I mumbled, embarrassed. 'I am so glad that you are back dear, look at you! What have you done to the old Sherlock?'. I rolled my eyes. Enough. All this emotions, ugh. Doorbell, soft, 4.3 seconds. It's Molly. It has to be. My heart jumped. I wasn't ready, not yet. 'Mrs. Hudson, don't let her in! I'm not..' too late. Mrs. Hudson was already downstairs. I froze. I heard Mollys' friendly voice. Kisses on the cheek and a quick chitchat with Mrs. Hudson. Steps on the stairs. She paused before she opened the door. Knock. 'In..' I said. And in she came. Dressed in a short red dress. She looked beautiful. Red lips. Hair in a neat knot. I pressed my lips together. Squeezed my eyes and said: 'You look...' think, think, think, compliment. No deductions. 'beautiful, not that you normally not look beautiful. But.. errh' Sherlock stop. You are embarrassing yourself. She smiled. 'You too, Sherlock. One thing.' She walked over and stopped a few inches removed from my face. I held my breath. What was she doing? A kiss, no no, she wouldn't would she? How do you see that coming? She corrected my tie and smiled with an awry turned head. Her cheekbones started to color. She was also nervous, good, I think. 'Mrs. Hudson made her special. It's... something fishy'.  'Sounds great' she replied. The first hour was extremely awkward, we were both fishing for a good conversation but besides Bart's we didn't had any good conversation starters, we didn't each other that well. After a few wines we started to talk normal. I tried my very best to keep her happy. Time passed and it was running late. She announced that she had to go. I nodded, a bit disappointed. I loved spending time with her. Finally I could be myself. I didn't had to pretend. I didn't have to think about Moriarty and what he could do to her. That was over. She stood up, stumbled a bit, probably the wine, and corrected her dress. 'I had a lovely time Sherlock, thanks'. I grimaced. 'Same' I said while I was standing up. She walked towards me and grabbed my hand. 'See you tomorrow then? At Bart's?' I nodded. I bended and softly kissed her cheek. 'At Bart's it will be' I whispered. The wine made my head foggy. She turned red, again. She hesitated a bit and then, finally, kissed me on the lips, gently. Her lips were warm, I tasted strawberry. Her lipstick. A taste I'd remember now. I kissed back, I didn't actually knew how, I did what felt good. Anything felt good while kissing her. I felt her warm body against mine, her smell, I could  _really_ feel her. 

'Erghh.. Sherlock?' Johns voice sounded hard and cold. Molly immediately stepped away from me. The magic spell was broken. My lips felt cold without hers. 'I, I have to go' she said and hurried to the stairs. 'Goodbye, uh, both of you' and off she was. 

'Sherlock what the  _hell_ is going on?'

 


	3. Chapter 3

'Sherlock what the  _hell_  is going on?' 

 

'Well John' I clear my throat 'your presence is a surprise and we..'. He shakes his head, his whole face shows madness. 'Sherlock! You and Molly? MOLLY? You've always threatened her like crap and now this?' Oh come on, John is the one who taught me how to love, how to be loved. Didn't he see this coming? 'Yes but I..'. I don't understand why this upsets him so much. 'NO Sherlock, No. You can't do this to her. You are playing with her feelings, this isn't right'. He really  has no idea. 'John, I really like her'. 'No you don't, this is one of those sick studies of yours. Leave Molly out of this! For her sake!'. He doesn't want to see it, he really doesn't want to see that I like her. 'I don't see why this upsets you so much, this isn't a research. This is real'. John bites his lip and laughs, a sarcastic laughter. 'You can't be serious, you're the great Sherlock Holmes. You don't care about others, especially not Molly'. He really starts to piss me off. I do care about others. I do care about Molly. I do care about him. I care about Mrs. Hudson. I care about Lestrade. I prevent myself form answering. I give him a hard look, turn around and disappear in the kitchen. He must be kidding, he always said that I was a living machine. No feelings, no emotions. When I finally can be my TRUE self he's still mad at me. Why? Why does he care so much about my relationship status? You can do this Sherlock, there must be an explanation in your Mind Palace somewhere. Deeply frowning, sarcastic laughter, madness; Jealousy? Was John jealous? Did he like Molly? Was he mad because he secretly loves her? No, he'd have told me, right? 

'Sherlock I'm so done with you and your games. You cannot play with human feelings, it's not right'. 'Oh please John, spare yourself. If you don't want to listen to me, fine but please leave me alone I've got work to do' Enough. This is it. He acts like Molly doesn't matter, she does. He needs to know. 'John, I really like Molly, I always did, even before we met. But, I needed to contain my feelings. I didn't know my feelings. What are feelings for? You taught me, I learned. Loving Molly wasn't save if Moriarty was still around, the best way to avoid your feelings is to shut the people out. And that's what I did. I shut Molly out. I always have loved her, I always will and if that's too much to bare.. please leave then.' His mouth opens but directly closes again. I see that he's hurt. Why are people so complex? You can never do the right thing. 'So.. you.. love Molly?' I nod. He pauses, shuffles around and continues. 'Molly?' it takes him some effort to drop her name. 'Why are you so... offended?' He bites his lip. 'I.. I never expected that you'd love.. the female gender' My eyebrows raise automatically. 'What did you expect then? That I'd love  _you_?' 

'Yes, yes I did' 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me so long to post an update!  
> Hope you guys enjoy this little chapter :)


	4. Chapter 4

John.

Maybe you don't see it at first. But he is a man who can love the hell out of something. I, don't know. I don't know why he loves me. If he loves me. He does right? Otherwise he wouldn't have said that he expected I'd love him. I love him, I do, but Molly.. she has something... something so special. I always thought that Molly and I were meant to be together. Yes, John is right by saying that I treated her like crap but did I had another choice? No. I hadn't. Not with Moriarty, not with Mycroft. Yes Mycroft, he's my brother but I don't trust him around Molly. I can't... no. I can't love both at the same time. I just can't. I have to make choices. I don't want to lose John, I want him to stay. And Molly on the other hand; Can I risk losing her? STOP IT. GO OUT OF MY HEAD, BOTH OF YOU. I feel the strong urge to break things and just leave it ALL behind. 

'John.. I... please..' What do I want? I don't... god please! Stop this. I don't want to be like this. Human emotions are the worst of mankind. 

'Sherlock just shut up. Don't try to pet me. I know you don't love me like I want you to. I've seen it, but I thought it was just because you are Sherlock. You can't fix this, not this. You can fix alot but this is above your abilities'.

'I really want to love you John. I do love you. I don't know how but.. when I touch Molly it's like all my nerves... my skin... it all burns. It makes me feel warm John. I don't want to.. I want to.. I don't know.. please don't leave me for this.. please' my voice shakes. What can I say? What can I say to let him stay. I only make it worse. His eye twitches when I say her name. 

'I thought you loved Mary... you and her.. it pushed me more to Molly, you know. Knowing you were happy, knowing you'd start a family.. grow old with her. I wanted that too John. I want that too' 

His eyes are so tired. The way he holds himself is so.. off. He's on the breaking point, I know it and I can't do anything about it. I'm losing him already. He is drifting away from me in the dark and I can't see it. I can't help him. He's drifting. 

'I better go'. He sounds so cold. If I don't fix this now, it's all over. I'm pushing him away. I feel my eyes swell up and I try to prevent them from tearing up. 'John no. Please. Stay. We can talk this out. We can. I love you John. Please' I can't hold it. A tear is rolling down my cheekbone. John's eyes. The eyes I know so good. The eyes you'd get lost in. They aren't full of warmth; they are hard as stone. I know this look. He is shutting me out.  

'As you say. I'm building a life with Mary, good luck with building yours with.. Molly'. 

'John don't be such a drama queen, don't you see I'm trying?' 

'Me a drama queen, the irony! YOU are the drama queen Sherlock. Playing house with Molly and stabbing me in the back. Acting like you care, acting like you want to love me. That is not how this works. None of this works like you want to' 

'Please spare me the blabber. This is all to heated up. We'll talk tomorrow. Just us, here.' As soon as I say it I know I shouldn't have.

'Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Goodbye Sherlock'.

'John just wai....' the door slams into it's lock.  

 

What the hell am I supposed to do? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah guys! It has been a while. Sorry sorry sorry that I haven't uploaded something in such a long time. I was so busy with school and sports that it kinda slipped away.  
> I hope you all like this mini chapter between John and Sherlock.  
> To be continued!


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